Breaking up with a friend
Yesterday I heard that my ex-best friend's not-so-close relative died and I thought to myself shall I call her to offer my condolences?
I couldn't do it and wouldn't do it, for it took me a long time to break up with her and take her out of my life. J. was my childhood friend, my best friend. We shared secrets, tears, laughter, but as we grew older we slowly went into two different directions, although we would see each other daily, call each other several times a day. I found myself making a great effort to go along with her stupid conversations, while she enjoyed making fun of my thoughts and ideas, putting me down all the time by sarcastically criticizing everything I said or did. Until one day we had a fight, we broke up, but then she called back to apologize and we went back again. This time it was worse, I couldn't bear being with her, so I waited for another fight to break up with her, and this time it was forever and with no regrets.
When should we break up with our friends?
J. and I had no more shared interests, there was a violation of trust, she had some habits I couldn't agree with, that was when I decided it was time for both of us to go on our separate ways.
But breaking up with a friend is very hard, very traumatic, it could even be emotionally devastating, more that breaking up with your partner... far worse that that. We just don't expect conflict with friends. We love them dearly and we need them, which may be why we dread falling out with our friends.
I know that next time I will be more sincere and honest to myself about the bases of my friendship and that there is a difference between an old friend and a recent friend that I have common interests with.
I wonder how the blogship is?
posted by Elegance @ 4:59 pm
